Category Archives: life design

minizen #16

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this is me. it is me. i am only me, and the world is me through my eyes. i can be one with everything without losing myself. i can be one with whatever i want; i can choose to acknowledge what i want. i want independence within unity. i want to know myself, and i want to live for myself, through myself.

this is me, and it won’t be lost through loss of anyone else. this is me and it wont be lost from unity with someone else. this is me and it wont be lost in growth. this is me and it will change with change and yet i will stay the same. i will always be me, at my core, and that core is always within me.

i want to let go of fear. i left it, remember? i am releasing fear with every exhalation, and finding peace with every inhalation. this is me.

meditations #32

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evidence of my blessedness:

abundance:
- free shoes
- free cd
- free flower pot after i had thought about needing one!
- lots of pretty clothes for 7 euros combined!
- yummy dinner at restaurant courtesy of dad
- seedling from A
- travel gift card from dad
- i have money to buy presents, food, and plane tickets + pay my bills!

cool stuff:
- bought plane tickets to Sweden!
- finished 4/5 courses!
- received a letter in the mail from あや with an adorable miniature fan included!
- applied for about 10 jobs
- started eating raw carrot again!
- confirmation emails from Nottingham!!!
- joined Amnesty (& got recruited by a fellow Ovi member!)

stuff that makes me super happy:
- surgery wounds all but healed
- Supernatural watching date with Kaisa last week
- everything with A last week, including kisses and study dates and watching HP OotP and going flea market shopping together
- having a girlfriend, a wonderful one!
- going for walks again
- wearing my super pretty & cute jacket (3 euros @ flea market)
- planning trips
- seeing my parents happy
- Nelli. everything about her, forever.
- Snarry! whee!
- all the SPN cons going on right now.
- spring! sunshine and warmth and bikini-shopping, perhaps!
- being able to wear low waisted pants and bottoms!
- my “what is your definition of beauty” post.
- being back at Ovi again! + being the one to open tomorrow!

wonderful personalities in my life:
mom, dad, Nelli, Anni, Kaisa, Josh, Heidi, Miira, Gun, Tommy, Nina, Maria, Pandan, Dianah, Mårten, Lea, Joke, Julio, Saini, Emma, Hetty etc.

stuff i want to and can do:
- do those photos for Kaisa
- finally see the new DTM
- go on a cruise with A
- re-read all the Potter books
- have a Potter movie marathon (must acquire DH2)
- go biking (bike EVERYWHERE this summer!)
- have lots of picnics
- double date with Kaisa & Josh

thoughts that feel good:
- i’m free
- stay in the now. i am in this now.
- everything is okay
- it doesn’t matter
- the better it gets the better it gets
- i am my own person
- i am growing into myself

minizen #15

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grateful for this feeling. grateful to be turned on. grateful for passion and desire. grateful to feel alive and healthy! grateful for this simmering. grateful for A. grateful i get to be with her. grateful she is with me! grateful for bandage changing help in the bathroom yesterday. grateful to feel a part of something. grateful to be looking forward to tomorrow. grateful for this deep sense of happiness, pleasure and fulfillment. grateful to always want more. grateful it balances out.

i am perfect in this now. this now is perfect. in me?

meditations #31

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i claimed this space, it is mine. i fill it up and it is a part of me. there is no room for shame, no need for it. no need to keep avoiding feeling happy, avoiding the method the key to happiness for fear of rejection or scorn. are not happiness and well being the most basic building blocks? are they not values in and of themselves? they are, and i should not be afraid to reach for them.

i should not be afraid. let me rephrase that. i don’t want to be afraid – i am fearless! i am cared for, from the highest power down to the smallest cog in the machine of life; it is all to care for me, to support me and help me. the universe is conspiring to make me happy. my needs are fulfilled, i am abundant.

truths that i want to learn to know:

  • i am strong
  • i am healthy
  • i am vibrant
  • i am full of energy
  • i am balanced
  • i am bursting with vitality!
  • i am confident
  • i am happy
  • i am proud to be myself
  • i am the conscious creator of my amazing life

isn’t it great that thoughts create? isn’t it great i can direct my thoughts? isn’t it great that i am aware of the fact? isn’t it amazing that i am winning, because i remembered i had the Twins’ new Earcandy on my iPod today just when i felt i needed something to tell me i was doing okay? isn’t it great that i instantly found confirmation of the fact that i was winning? isn’t it great that you can find confirmation for whatever you’re wanting to prove, and that your focus on the subject creates more? isn’t it great to be living here, right now, this very instant?

i am so grateful to have been born in Finland. i am so grateful for my wonderful, safe and beautiful city. i am so grateful for my education; i love it and it is fun and free and good quality and i want to keep learning, always! i am so grateful for my wonderful flat: so grateful it almost downtown, that there are hundreds of buses and trams and subway trains etc passing all the time and the neighbourhood is funky and alive! so grateful for all the flatmates i’ve had so far! so grateful the rent is cheap, considering! so grateful we got the flat when we did! i’m so grateful to be here. so grateful to be here, so grateful to be alive!

so grateful for my surgery! so grateful it was basically free! so, SO grateful for how wonderful the nurses were, and how awesome my surgeon is! so grateful for a good experience. so grateful i’m now taught skinned  and pretty! so grateful i know i was pretty before too! so grateful i can wear clothes i couldn’t before. so grateful i can bend over and put on different kinds of clothes and have sex and be naked without hesitating! so grateful for the opportunity, so grateful to have manifested the information and support! so grateful i’m healing well! so grateful to get the care i need! so grateful i can do stairs again! so grateful to be almost bandage free! so grateful to feel good!

so grateful for A. so grateful i met her four years ago, so grateful she always stayed in my mind! so grateful we ended up on the board together. so grateful i had the guts to ask her out! so grateful i had the guts to tell her i wanted to hug her when we were dancing! so grateful she is so sweet and calm and silly and funny and gorgeous. so grateful she is open and loving and smart! so grateful to be okay with her being poly. so grateful i love Saini too! so grateful to see such a happy and ‘different’ married couple. so grateful we can share, so to speak. so grateful for A’s messages today. so grateful for her kisses and hugs and the looks she gives me and the silly stuff we talk about and her cooking.

so grateful Kaisa is back! so grateful Josh came too! so grateful they’re happy and getting on, are happy! so grateful they  live so close and i can see them basically whenever. so grateful to her as my bff. so grateful i feel better now! so grateful for my support net. so grateful i feel light and happy and knowing! so grateful tomorrow is gonna be great! so grateful to let go of fear and insecurity and replace them with confidence and knowing! so grateful i am confident i will get a job this summer! so grateful it works.

i have the tools. i have the knowledge. i know how to get to happiness.

holy shit, i just actually realised that i really do know how to get to happiness! i have the knowledge, i just have to apply it! isn’t that a huge relief?! holy fuck, i AM winning! i won the fucking lottery already!

i have my mind. i have my peace. i have my knowing. i have my body and i love it. i have the tools, i have the life i want, i can do whatever i want. i am so happy, i am so free.

so fucking greatful to be confident and cussing!

meditations #30

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grateful for release. grateful for relief. grateful for catharsis. grateful i feel better, grateful i feel good and light! grateful for forgiveness. grateful i have the best parents. grateful i have the most understanding, patient and loving mother.

grateful for Anni. grateful she wants to be with me. grateful she is so understanding and kind. grateful she has so much love to go around. grateful she’s a pack person, a loving, mommy-like leader of her own herd. grateful she is honest and open. i love her long mermaid hair. love her gorgeous, big eyes. love her shape. love her kisses and hugs. love how she looks at me. love her sense of style. love her ear rings! love her kooky attraction to things most people find unattractive! love how artistic she is. love that she loves to make food and that she spends her time planning dishes she can make for someone (like me!). love getting texts and messages from her. love that we are.

grateful Kaisa is back! grateful she & Josh have a new cool flat! can’t wait to go and visit! grateful my follow up appointment is a week and a half away! grateful i’m healing – so excited to be healing and getting better and pretty! grateful the swelling and retention has gone down! grateful for my new shampoo! grateful for vegetables, so many vegetables! grateful for my phone! grateful for all the cool apps! grateful for positive, inspiring people. grateful for time to think and process things! grateful for my therapist (wish she’d give me a ring)! grateful for Myllypuro’s mini library! grateful for a new book to read. grateful for KM’s awesome short stories! grateful for Jurassic Park and New Girl and Bunshin! grateful for miniwalks.

i am getting better every day! my wound is healing, my body is regaining its original balance, my mobility is increasing! i feel good and happy. i can breathe, as i let go of this resistance! i feel knowing, i feel healing and calmness on the inside. i know things are good and getting even better. i know life is wonderful, and i know when i let my fear and resistance get in the way of things. i have tools to work with, to help me get past those obstacles!

i feel strong and healthy. i have energy and i want to build muscle and grow bigger boobs! i want to work and have fun. i want to dive into life and adventure and happiness with Anni. i want to travel and see people and do the things that really make me happy. and i am, i am taking steps all the time, steps that will get me closer to where i want to be. and i am enjoying every moment, appreciating this now for what it is. loving and appreciating and contemplating my life. i accept and welcome each aspect of it. i’m letting go of the need to control, letting go of resistance, and letting the flow take me where i want to be! god, i am letting myself be happy! imagine that!

i allow this now, this moment. i allow the people around me, i allow this world. i allow and am thankful and let it be. it is what it is, and i can always choose peace. i can always find joy and gratitude. and i know life is good and wonderful & intend to experience that! and i am experiencing that; just let go! JUST LET GO! isn’t this fun?!?!

grateful dad is coming home today! grateful to hug him and mom and Nelli (grateful Nelli is 16 and still going pretty strong! happy bday, baby)! grateful to go home tomorrow. grateful Anni is gonna come and stay over! grateful to see Miira & Inari on Monday! grateful to get to see Vilkku and Kaisa, and to go to therapy and to school! grateful for all the fun stuff!

ahh, what relief to write this, to direct my thoughts and appreciate, love and feel gratitude! what relief to let go and say ‘it is what it is’, because it is and i love it. unconditionally.

meditations #29

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so grateful to be back. so grateful to return to peace and gratitude. so grateful for lessons learned. so grateful for insight after and even during the matter. so grateful to be buffeted and supported and loved in every now.

so grateful for a long, proper shower! so grateful to be clean! so grateful to be returning to my real bodyshape. so grateful the phantom kilos are dropping. so grateful for my new belly button! so grateful for the way i look! so grateful it’s getting better and better, prettier and prettier!

so grateful for Spotify! so grateful for music! so grateful for my ipod, my Android, my laptop! so grateful for technology. so grateful it doesn’t exist everywhere. so grateful for immersion with nature. so grateful for organic connections. so grateful the snow melted again! so grateful for sunshine.

so grateful it’s Easter. so grateful to get to see my cousin & her hubby today! and their dog! so grateful my dad is having a fun holiday in the south of France! so grateful for my wonderful parents. so grateful i get to pet Nelli again today! so grateful for Anni! so grateful she is so calm and sweet and smart. so grateful for her pretty eyes looking into mine, so grateful for her kisses and hugs and messages.

i love appreciating my new body! i love seeing how lovely and new i look! i love feeling happy and excited and inspired! i love feeling secure and certain and at peace. i love calmness, and i love being wild and crazy. i love that i can be all at once.

stuff i’m looking forward to:
- Kaisa (& Josh!) coming back to Helsinki in five days!!!
- seeing Anni again soon
- getting back to blogging, augh! SERIOUSLY WANT TO TAKE AND POST PICS.
- getting back to school stuff and finishing a bunch of my courses
- going to Sweden in the summer and seeing a bunch of my cousins, my aunt and my cousins’ kids & husbands
- something HUUUUGEE and amazing at the start of 2013!! more about that asap!

 

meditations #28

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grateful for my staycation, grateful for healing, grateful for my awesome surgeon, grateful for my parents for helping me when I need it, grateful to remember gratitude.

grateful for my health, grateful for my family, grateful for friends, grateful for comfort, grateful too remind myself that it is what it is. grateful to remember that nothing REALLY matters. how wonderful is that?

grateful for my cousins, grateful they want to see me, grateful too be making summer plans! grateful for Ovi’s schedule. grateful i’ve got such a wonderful extended family, grateful to get to abroad.grateful Kaisa is coming back soon.

grateful for instagram got Android!

meditations #28

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it feels so good to be in this moment. to always be in this now. time flies when you’re having fun, because when you’re having fun you’re in the moment (when you’re in the moment, you have fun) and there is no time in the now.

feels so good to go with the flow and release resistance. just let go of it and float, you know the stream will carry you, you know only resistance will get you lost. you know you’re buyoued. feels so good to trust and flow.

feels so good to be happy and positively expectant! feels so good to do things, take leaps. feels so good to have the world reflect back the happiness i feel. feels so good to realise, internally, that nothing is as important as feeling good is, and nothing less should even be worthy of my attention. only in the vortex, only when i am happy can i appropriately consider the world and arrive at peaceful conclusions. oh, i can do it out of the vortex as well, but why choose that path, when it is more resistant than the one through and within the vortex?

am i creating limiting belifs? is it okay to create positive limiting beliefs? is it a limiting belief if it ends up bringing about positive things? oh, so much to think about.

feels so good to love. feels so good to appreciate the people surrounding me. feels so good to appreciate this life. feels so good to love every moment, and to accept what is. feels so good to say “it is what it is” and let go. let go, let god. let me be an instrument of thy peace. thy will be done. feels so good to feel the power of a phrase, the power and relief in relinquishing control, because you know that letting go is the greatest control, the greatest power you can have!

love, love love!

meditations #27

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grateful for friends.grateful for love. grateful for touch.grateful for family.

grateful I slept so deep and long.grateful I got to talk to a bunch of people yesterday. grateful for opportunities to count (370). grateful for kind people. grateful for a funny photographer. grateful for my scarf.

minizen #14

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the sun is shining and the sky is bright blue! i woke up next to a gorgeous girl today! i got a sweet letter from her in the mail while she was sitting on my kitchen desktop! my dentist was sweet and helpful and made me feel better! i get to cook for mom today! i researched exchange programme stuff last night and got all excited! and tomorrow i’ve got a pre-surgery meeting!!! i am so excited and nervous and giddy and want-it-right-now! my telephone tells me its +8 degrees outside! SPRING!

i love green and yellow and turquoise! i love cooking and taking care of people! i love having long discussions. i love kisses. i love reading my feedreader, because it is always full of beautiful, positive, inspiring things! <3