continuation to yesterday’s walk post!

i walked more or less non-stop for 1,5 hours today, from Kallio to Eira. this is pretty big for me, seeing as how three weeks ago when i tried to climb up the stairs to my therapist’s office, i almost fainted. post-surgery* stuff will do that to you!

anyway, i’ve been feeling like i need to clear my head and centre myself and just breathe for awhile now, and what with having finished all my courses and exams for the year (yay), what better than to take the time and just go and do and be outside. seriously, i kind of want to go al Walden and move out into the woods, even if just for a week. or a day or two, even! in the meanwhile, parks and asphalt and meadows shall have to do.

part two coming tomorrow, as i went a bit crazy with the photographing, another thing i’m super happy about!

* i had circumferential abdominoplasty (aka a tummy & back tuck) & i can’t decide whether or not to write/post about this. holler if you’re curious.

this is me, and it won’t be lost through loss of anyone else. this is me and it wont be lost from unity with someone else. this is me and it wont be lost in growth. this is me and it will change with change and yet i will stay the same. i will always be me, at my core, and that core is always within me.

i want to let go of fear. i left it, remember? i am releasing fear with every exhalation, and finding peace with every inhalation. this is me.

abundance:
- free shoes
- free cd
- free flower pot after i had thought about needing one!
- lots of pretty clothes for 7 euros combined!
- yummy dinner at restaurant courtesy of dad
- seedling from A
- travel gift card from dad
- i have money to buy presents, food, and plane tickets + pay my bills!

cool stuff:
- bought plane tickets to Sweden!
- finished 4/5 courses!
- received a letter in the mail from あや with an adorable miniature fan included!
- applied for about 10 jobs
- started eating raw carrot again!
- confirmation emails from Nottingham!!!
- joined Amnesty (& got recruited by a fellow Ovi member!)

stuff that makes me super happy:
- surgery wounds all but healed
- Supernatural watching date with Kaisa last week
- everything with A last week, including kisses and study dates and watching HP OotP and going flea market shopping together
- having a girlfriend, a wonderful one!
- going for walks again
- wearing my super pretty & cute jacket (3 euros @ flea market)
- planning trips
- seeing my parents happy
- Nelli. everything about her, forever.
- Snarry! whee!
- all the SPN cons going on right now.
- spring! sunshine and warmth and bikini-shopping, perhaps!
- being able to wear low waisted pants and bottoms!
- my “what is your definition of beauty” post.
- being back at Ovi again! + being the one to open tomorrow!

wonderful personalities in my life:
mom, dad, Nelli, Anni, Kaisa, Josh, Heidi, Miira, Gun, Tommy, Nina, Maria, Pandan, Dianah, Mårten, Lea, Joke, Julio, Saini, Emma, Hetty etc.

stuff i want to and can do:
- do those photos for Kaisa
- finally see the new DTM
- go on a cruise with A
- re-read all the Potter books
- have a Potter movie marathon (must acquire DH2)
- go biking (bike EVERYWHERE this summer!)
- have lots of picnics
- double date with Kaisa & Josh

thoughts that feel good:
- i’m free
- stay in the now. i am in this now.
- everything is okay
- it doesn’t matter
- the better it gets the better it gets
- i am my own person
- i am growing into myself

evening sky / psychologist’s lilies.

A raiding Ovi’s closet on May Day / Rooibos from Robert’s Coffee on my way to a meeting.

Kaisa Talo – the new Uni building, almost finished! / Aleksanterinkatu.

studying for my Japanese final.

Nelli sleeping in her safe place (wedged between the wall and a door) / sunday dinner.

Nelli snooping around on the balcony / wore a red brow in honour of my structural analysis exam!

last Saturday at a cafe with A & her new mini laptop/tablet / a very rainy Thursday.

a gorgeous building on a gorgeous day / the cutest shirt ever, scored yesterday at the flea market!

Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there, especially mine! <3

(i like the silence in these)

VAPPU! (aka Walpurgis / May Day)

The first four pictures are from Monday night, which A & me spent at her friends’ flat. Lots of lovely people I got to know a little better, and some superb live music by the hosts themselves (who are part of a semi-active band called Randmly in Public Parks).

The last five pictures are from the day after, which was spent the traditional way; going down to Ullanlinnanmäki early (ish) in the morning to (continue to) get hammered and grill sausages and socialise! A and I were in charge of setting up tent, so to speak, for Ovi. Brilliant weather & everything else besides!

i am perfect in this now. this now is perfect. in me?